Let me start out this post by filling you in on the most exciting part of our lives to date; sometime in mid to late October, I got pregnant. : ) I found out, we think, when I was about 4 or 5 weeks along. Excitement and giddyness ensued, and we told our families the wonderful news. Four more weeks passed, and I was officially sucked into baby la-la-land. I enthusiastically created accounts for several pregnancy websites, and was already browsing for what pattern car seat and stroller I wanted. Things got even more real when I scheduled my 1st prenatal doctor's appointment.
I could barely get through work the day of, without looking at the clock obsessively every few minutes. Finally, my shift was over, and I went home and changed, and met my mom and sister at the Dr. office.
We were in the exam room, and the ultrasound began. What I have seen happen to so many over the years, was finally happening to me!
Until the Dr. said the heartbreaking words, "Something is wrong."
I frantically searched the ultrasound image on the screen, then looked at the Dr's. face. With a heavy sigh, and a furrowed brow, the Dr. said the crushing words, "I don't see a baby here."
I miscarried.
Technically, I'm not sure if it was an actual misacrriage, because the Dr. informed us that the embryo never even formed. So, there was nothing to miscarry. But, however you phrase it; I wasn't pregnant anymore. My tiny little pregnant bubble that I had been lost in for the last 4 weeks, popped.
Upon hearing the news, I was shocked and sad of course, but I was determined to be upbeat and ok with it.
And then my mom grabbed my hand. And the flood gates burst open.
The Dr. gave us some time to digest what had just happened. He then later came back in and discussed options of where to go from there. I just kept looking at him thinking that not 10 minutes ago, I was meeting him for the first time, and we were all jovial and excited about the impending baby and grandbaby coming. And then he tells me this horrible news. My how things can change in an instant.
8 days have gone by since that appointment, and let me tell you; it has been the longest week ever. We're healing though, and making progress. Tears don't leak out of my eyes anymore, although it was pretty hard to write this blog. But, I feel that it is part of the healing process to talk about things and get it out on the table.
We'll be ok. With time, we'll be ok. It's getting better with each day that passes.
Ok, onto some other, less somber news. We moved! Yes, close your mouths, a-gain. I know, we move a lot. It's what we do. There were a few factors included in why we moved yet again. Our old house was right on the road, and we were getting pretty tired of hearing traffic all the time, and seeing people's headlights shine in our bedroom window. That, and our neighbors had dogs, which was fine. But they barked constantly, which was not. So, we're pretty much all moved in, and completely in love with the new house. It's two doors down from the family I've been babysitting for the last 5 years, and that's awesome! We're literally right by Bille park, so that will be nice whenever the time comes for another (healthy!) baby. We can just take a stroll to the park.
And, last but not least on my list of new things, is my job. I've been there now for about a month and a half, and I'm loving it so far. It's good work, great people, and good hours. Color me happy. I'm thrilled to finally be working there, and it's everything I wanted so far!
I still refuse to believe that Christmas is, at this point, a mere 5 days away! Crazy how fast time is going by. Here's to a happy and healthy holiday, and a fresh start to the new year.
Who knows, maybe this year, Baby Brownlee will come out and play.
Merry Christmas.
